Some days it feels like normal
Like the weight of sorrow has been lifted
And deep piercing pain healed
Other days it all comes back
And rages
Loss. Pain. Futility.
Why did it ever happen?
Why was I so fucking stupid?
I feel alive! I feel creative! I feel powerful! I’m not bored! Or bound! I’m free
It was all a lie.
Because it can’t exist.
I can’t exist
And for a moment I did. And I knew it.
I’ll go back to the nothing from which i came
I surrender
To the darkness.
To routine
To death
To pain
To loss
Someone has to hurt.
And I have to choose
I don’t want to be selfish
So I choose me.
